What If We Have Swayamwars & Not Let The Groom’s Family Judge Us?

In any marriage, why should the groom’s family be the only ones getting all the rights to choose? Why can’t I also get to choose?

In our society, when a girl wants to marry, there is a ‘tie-up’ between two families. And, thanks to patriarchy, we see that the boys and their families are the ones demanding much more from the girl and her family.

Well, a recent incident that happened to me proved this to me!

It has been a year since my mother passed away and my two sisters have been worried about my marriage now. But before all that, let me introduce myself.

Well, I graduated in Civil Engineering in the year 2020 and I have been an amateur writer since I was a kid. For the past six months, I have been interning at an educational institute and I am also a feminist blogger. This is just my educational qualification but that’s not really who I am.

I am a ‘lazy creature’ who doesn’t care about her appearance and clothes. Also, I love being myself and I love to craft engaging stories on my own. And I am also a girl with a ‘dusky complexion’ and regular body features who has always lived for her passions.

Why does the boy get to make all the demands?

Recently, my elder sister chose a boy whom she thought I should marry. The boy is an engineer in Delhi and is getting paid well too. Let me tell you about his demands from his wife. He wanted a girl who was cultured and would pray every day while managing the whole house on her own! (What men like these do all day long is a different story altogether – roaming around on their own!)

Now there are the demands from the boy’s family too! Firstly, they wanted a full picture of mine, so they could judge whether I had the perfect height, looks, and complexion before meeting my family!

My sisters suggested that I get some pictures clicked in poses that were alluring enough to pull the boy and his family to our house. The marriage and all would be fixed later after they came to see me! Being the weird and stubborn person that I am, I said, ‘If they want to see me, they should come here and meet me right at home! Why do they need a photo?’

I am not going to let anyone underestimate me!

I believe they should come home and get familiar with a living being. In this case, due to my response, the boy’s family ended up getting hot under the collar and now they’ve stopped answering all the calls. 

Meanwhile, my family and other relatives would often text me and say, ‘Who will marry such a weird and obnoxious girl?’ I was the target of constant attacks throughout my life and my personal eccentricities, dressing sense and behaviour. All this was the theme for my endless ridicule.

I am not going to break my bizarre rules and get careless about the nonsensical people whose choices are based on my physical attributes. And I really don’t want to chase these awful guys who judge me on my physique and underestimate me.

What if I just have a swayamwar?

Who has given them the right to be so demanding? And why can’t I be the demanding one? This one incident is stuck in my mind and I have decided that from now on I will also have high demands and make choices before the boy’s family!

I wonder if they are looking for a wife or robot who is also a showpiece? Why are they all so demanding about dowry including all the other qualifications that a girl has? Honestly, why should they be the only ones getting all the rights to choose? Why can’t I also get to choose?

I think I should organise a ‘Swayamwar’ for myself where a boy performs the task and will shoot the eye of the fish in a contest. The one who wins would be the one I choose as my husband. 

Do you all think this is a good idea? I think we should all do this and that’s how we can even celebrate Women’s day! ‘Neither am I anyone’s proper and nor am I the dynasty of the Mughal emperor Akbar. So why should anyone rule me?’

I am an era and I have come for love. If you have the courage, why not embrace my imperfections instead of fooling me?

Let me also test you today. Just leave your arrogance and support my truth. Instead of underestimating me, why not fuel me?’

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Housefull 2

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Hi! I am Ruhi Nishat. I am an amateur writer and love to craft engaging

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